Friday, June 4, 2010

Mahwidge

I recently found out that one of my ex-boyfriend’s is getting married. I didn’t date him for very long (maybe 3 months…?) but I REALLY liked him. He’s a musician. He’s astonishingly sexy. He’s funny. He’s bright & loves to read. I even “liked” how he broke up with me. He didn’t pussyfoot around the issue. One day, he just rang me up, & said, “I think we should stop seeing each other. I think we’re on different pages here- I think you’ve invested more into this than I have.” Direct. Honest. Brave. I couldn’t be upset with him. I was, however, privately heartbroken. (Just for a little while, but still…) RIGHT AFTER we broke up, he met someone, & has been dating her ever since. Apparently she’s lovely, & I was glad to hear it. He deserves the best. Now they’re engaged. Unfortunately, this isn’t the 1st time this has happened to me. It seems that I prepare men for their next relationship- to really settle down, commit, and fall in love. Though I’m usually happy to hear of my exes’ nuptials, this one kind of got to me. Why is it that every time they walk out my door, their eyes seem to all of a sudden open to the wonderment of “true love”? It’s giving me a complex. Why didn’t they feel that way towards me? What was is about me that wasn’t enough, for them? Or was I too much? The other day, I had a very candid conversation with a friend of mine who I’ve slept with in the past. Although our romantic relationship was over before it started, it was he who had the final word on it- though if I’d been sensible, I would have done it 1st. Over cocktails, I asked him what is about me that made him want to call it quits. You should know that this guy is not only a self-proclaimed asshole, but also an actual asshole. He has many wonderful traits, but rarely can people witness them, as he can’t seem to behave like a normal person in public. (He’s got a razor-sharp edge to him & is a complete short-fuse. But I love that bastard- as a friend- nonetheless. Also, he’s sexy. I knew I wanted to sleep with him the moment I laid eyes on him.) All this to say, I wanted the truth, & this guy never pulls his punches. (Literally AND metaphorically.) He told me I give too much of myself away, too quickly. Perhaps had I played my hand a bit closer to my chest, he may have remained interested. He also said I wasn’t “active” enough. (He runs like, 5km/day & works out for like, 3 hours after that. I like chips.) So I’ll take that for what it’s worth. Perhaps that’s what all of those guys thought? There’s got to be more to it, as well. This phenomenon of men leaving me to move right on to happy, stable relationships is giving me anxiety. One thing I know for sure? If you’re a dude, & you feel like you need the big break in your career that you’ve been waiting for, or you want to buy a house, or get married- or basically just succeed in every aspect? BREAK UP WITH ME. It’ll all be easy-beasy-lemon-squeezey from there on in.

3 comments:

Beth Nicholls said...

Claire, I felt the same way for a while. I called it the "Good Luck Chuck" phenomenon. I was upset when it would happen, but looking back, I'm not as upset, I wouldn't have wanted to end up with them forever and ever anyways :)

claire elyse said...

i know you're right. but it still hoots. (that's "hurts" in baby-talk)

Anonymous said...

So funny, happens to me every time!!!

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