Sunday, July 11, 2010

Vag-Mobile: Highway Star.

I spent a lot of time in my car alone, this weekend. It so happened that the two men I was gigging with drove themselves to the club. One of the things I love about doing comedy is getting to know comics you might not ordinarily hang out with, during the car-ride. It’s how I bonded with many comedians who went on to become some of my besties or boyfriends. I’m often the driver, giving my pals the privilege of riding in my gold (I’m VERY classy) over 10yr old Malibu- which MS.MET, BING-BANG, CUPCAKE, & LADY DI, have affectionately named, “the vag-mobile”. (It’s actually a location on FourSquare. So is “Claire’s Butt”, but that has nothing to do with me, or my butt.) Although the vag-mobile is getting on in her years, (the windshield-wipers don’t turn off without turning off the car, she’s got a few dents/scratches, her right clicker flashes double-time, she doesn’t always love to turn left, etc…) her nostalgia is monumental. So many trips, laughs, tunes, rage, love, & arguments over the years have made her a hot-box of enduring amusement. (I use the term “hot-box” emphatically.) The first time I ever really got to know MAN-X was in the vag-mobile, on our way to a gig. After 4 hours in the car, my stupid crush blossomed. I was in a committed relationship at the time, & kept my feelings to myself.
I’ve done some of my best thinking in the VM. Last night on the way home was a good example of that. The drive lasted almost two hours, & I was feeling wistful while I listened to some of my favorite music & smoked cigarettes. I spent quite some time fantasizing about MAN-X. Not necessarily sexually, but also an idealist delusion about us, falling in love. Once my ennui kicked in, I steered my thoughts towards my career, & took stock of 2010 so far. It’s been a good year for me, professionally & personally. I feel like I’ve learned more about myself in the past 6 months than I have in the past 6 years, but that could just be me discounting my innervation pre-2010/manbbatical. I thought about how I’m finally in a place where I’m actually beginning to enjoy who I’ve become. I spent so many years trying to figure out who I thought I was, & what I thought I needed. I’ve struggled with this deep-rooted conflict about whether or not I was a good person living up to my potential. Am I a good daughter? A loyal friend? A talented performer? Do I make the absolute most of my waking hours? Am I grateful enough for all I’ve been blessed with? If before I fall asleep at night, I can tell myself that I did the best that I could today, then I feel some kind of validation for taking up space in this world. I’ve been learning to not crucify myself for making mistakes. I’ve been learning to be proud of who I’ve become & feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve been learning to trust my imagination, & to not create REAL drama in my life in order to fuel my craft. In other words, I’ve been learning how to be “happy” (though this education process has often felt as challenging as turning a tanker around…). Since this weird phenomenon, life has been bestowing me with an abundance of rewards. It’s unreal- having a positive outlook really begets itself.
The song “Just Breathe” (Pearl Jam) rippling from the vag-mobile’s speakers reminded me of how lucky I am for the people I love- they are, above all, the reason I’ve done anything worth any merit in my life. ‘Tis the magic of the vag-mobile… it’s a little mobile room where, as one relationship may bloom- tears may spill safely down my cheeks- as another relationship may die. Where jokes are born, where joints burn, where songs are sung. Where important life-lessons are learned.
My beloved vag-mobile creates the illusion that I’m in charge of her direction while getting my guests & I from point A to point B. While that may be true in some ways, what happens to you while riding inside of her (don’t be perverted) is completely up to her.


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