Thursday, August 26, 2010

You Can Handle The Truth! (about MAN-X & this project in general)

I’ve been known to eff many things up in my life. I have a habit of taking things too far, & I don’t always think things completely through upon action. My extemporaneous behavior often attracts people to me at first, until they fall victim to one of my pranks, or unintentional culpabilities. It can be really fun to live by the seat of your pants, until you look back at the trail of people lying in your beaten path, them covered in your footprints.
I’ve been thinking about MAN-X, & how I’ve portrayed him throughout this blog. Yesterday, upon talking to a mutual friend of ours, NERF, she asked me how I think MAN-X might react if he found out that all of this time, I’d been referring to HIM, as MAN-X. She was able to offer an objective opinion- and perhaps the only one I might get of that ilk- since she knows both of us well. Because of the (surprising) popularity of my blog, (and the accessibility of it), if he ever found out who he was, there’s a good chance he might be upset. That never occurred to me before my conversation with NERF. Although I try to be as honest as I can throughout this public project, I haven’t always represented him in the most flattering light. That is a mistake. Let me tell you my real impression of him:
He’s a great man. He’s honest (from what I can tell). He’s tender & sensitive. He’s extremely intelligent. He’s thoughtful. He’s gregarious. He’s tough when he needs to be. He’s a brilliant performer. He’s really hot. He’s got his faults, but those transgressions make him much more interesting. The reason why I have stated that he would be a bad potential boyfriend (& why my friends have advised me against pursuing it) is not a reflection of who is as a person, but because of what he does (& I do) for a living (being a comedian). They (& I) know that my track record of dating/sleeping with comics is a lousy one. They (&I) know that it could be a political disaster for so many reasons, beyond the verifiable truth that he is not interested in me in a romantic way. (I think) he respects me as a comic, as a woman, & as a friend. That is really all I need, though it may not be what I want. It is what SHOULD be.
It has occurred to me that I need to be careful about what words I expel into the worldwide group of connected computers. My intention is never to expose anybody, reveal other people’s messy secrets, or air out dirty laundry. My goal was (& is) only to take an honest examination of my past & present, to be truthful about how I feel, & to express myself in a way that encourages me to learn about myself. Some have pointed out that keeping a diary could have the same effect, & that perhaps I’m being exhibitionistic. To them I say I love nothing more than high stakes. Adhering to this project & its rules publicly means I have a responsibility not only to myself, but also to my faithful readers. Beyond that, I think it’s entertaining for many people, & therein lay my greatest love. I might seem self-indulgent, but I’m hard-pressed to think of any form of entertainer who isn’t to some degree. We are the people who get up & show the world how we really feel, & the world pays money to hear it, see it, read it, or feel it. It’s not always pretty, but it’s necessary to let oneself go every now & then. I’m not saying our job is any more difficult or demanding than others- we’re not saving lives- but if there were no calling for it, YUK YUK’s comedy club in Toronto (as an example) wouldn’t have hundreds of people attending every weekend, box-offices wouldn’t exist, dancing wouldn’t occur, etc… you get the point. That is not to say I have the right to exploit peoples lives or secrets for the sake of my “art”. It would however, be unfair of me to censor myself. “Unfair” maybe the wrong word, but certainly untrue to myself, those who know me, & my readers. But in the past few days, I have realized that there are almost as many consequenses to being truthful as there are to being dishonest. The question I have to ask myself is, “what is it worth, to me?” To you, the answer may seem simple. To ME right now, not so much.
I’m proud of what I’m doing, but the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt people I care about.

4 comments:

Daniela Saioni said...

The best actors, comics, and people in general are open, honest, truthful, and candid. You should never feel pressured to compromise your personal truth ESPECIALLY given what you do.

The uncomfortable thing of it is, there are only so many comics working in North America today, so Man-X's identity could potentially be guessed. However, as long as you never admit to who he is, or indicate any further clues as to his identity, I think he'll be somewhat safe from public scrutiny.

claire elyse said...

thank you! that said, many people have guessed to me who he is, & generally, they're wrong. the point is, it doesn't really matter WHO is, (for the sake of the blog) but what he represents.

Anonymous said...

Claire...

I love what you said about performing... so true. However I take issue with part of it. You wrote "we're not saving lives" Hmmm. Jill Charles, founder and artistic director of the Dorset Theatre in Vermont once wrote:

"I’ve spent the past year battling a cancer that my body wouldn’t have survived without doctors. But I know perfectly well that my soul wouldn’t have survived it without art. Go, do what you do, love it, and share it."

And that... much treasured Ms. Brosseau... is my message to you.

A hug,
Ron Stetson

claire elyse said...

i know it's saved my life.
i love you very much stetson!

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