Sunday, September 26, 2010

I Love Your Talent, Not Your Penis.

I’m changing. I can feel it. It’s weird, but I like it. I believe this is what they call, “maturity”, but I can’t be certain.

Here’s the thing: a huge part of the reason I “love” MAN-X, is because I love watching him on stage. He’s so good at what he does. It’s as if he casts a net over the crowd. It’s a web of charm & comedic brilliance. All of us want to stay within his trap. I certainly have trouble breaking free, even after he’s stepped out of the spotlight… For me, watching him perform is more than just an escape. It’s inspiring. I want to BE just as good as (or better than) he is, up there.
It’s the thing with my big romances. I fall in love with their TALENT. I watch someone play music, or act, or perform in some way, or I read what they’ve written… and regardless of what little else I know about them- I’m in love. I was struck with the insight as I watched one of my favorite comics on stage this week. As he smoothly laid out his jokes for the crowd, I was all, “That’s it. I’m in love with this guy.” Then, in true Fred Flintstone fashion, an angel appeared on my right shoulder, & a devil geared up for the debate, on my left.
ANGEL: You know, Claire, a man’s talent does is not a reflection of what kind of partner he will be.
DEVIL: If he’s passionate on stage, don’t you think that passion will bleed into most facets of his life?
ANGEL: You can love what someone does, without loving who they are.
DEVIL: What they do, is who they are.
ANGEL: Wrong. Claire, you love Gustave Flaubert, n’est ce pas?
ME: YES!!! A Simple Heart is one of the best stories I have ever read.
ANGEL: Was it not he who said, “Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.”? What does that mean, to you?
ME: I see where you’re going with this, & I like it, Angel.
DEVIL: WHOA WHOA WHOA. Claire. Do you, or do you not, enjoy the works of one, PABLO PICASSO?
ME: I do. I love his Rose Period. You know that, Devil. What are you getting at?
DEVIL: Picasso said, “It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction.” Do you not agree? If Picasso was alive, & he hit on you, would you break your Manbbatical?
ME: Yes. But that’s not what we’re talking about.
DEVIL: Isn’t it?
ME: Hey, devil. Guess what? I’m trying to watch a comedy show, so how about you shut your pie-hole?
DEVIL: You know I’m right. You’ll never change. As long as there are men to impress you with their artistic mastery, you will be a slave to their creative wizardry.
ANGEL: Ok, seriously? Devil is talking like an asshole. Wizards & masters? PLEASE! Give yourself more credit. Appreciate what these men do, let yourself learn from them. But stop putting them on a pedestal. They are not better PEOPLE than you are. Some of them have YEARS of practice under their belt. Some of them are dicks. Some of them are great people. It doesn’t matter. Their art is there to make you FEEL something, but you don’t have to feel it in your vagina.
ME: Well put, Angel. You are correct, as per uge. Just because a dude is excellent as what he does, doesn’t mean he will be a respectful partner, a good lover, an honest friend, or a loyal person.
DEVIL: Let me get this straight: you’re saying you’d be happy with some dud who isn’t passionate, driven, & gifted in his work? You’d be satisfied with a guy that’s an all right (insert job here)?
ANGEL: No, Devil. It’s not that simple. A man can be AMAZING at what he does, but Claire has to look beyond that. There is more to people than just their vocation.
ME: Yes. I can love what a man does, but I don’t have to BE in love with him.
ANGEL: I WIN!
DEVIL: It’s not about winning, and you of all people should know that, angel.
ANGEL: You’re right. But I still win.
ME: Go fuck yourself, devil.
ANGEL: Seriously. Go shit in your hat, while you’re at it.

SO, I think I’m finally starting to get it. Which feels wonderful.

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