Monday, September 6, 2010

Itchy Feet, Achy Heart.

The other night, I went to see Eat Pray Love with Peacock. (We had planned on seeing the Joan Rivers’s documentary, but we got the times mixed up…) I loved the book. Watching the film reminded me a little bit why I started this project, to begin with. Unfortunately, it also reminded me that Elizabeth Gilbert is an infinitely more prolific writer than I am. It made me feel inadequate in my quest. Peacock was quick to remind me that Gilbert’s been a published writer for years, & this is my first attempt at it- with the exception of joke or TV writing. This kind of writing is much different. It has to flow in a different way, & I’m not concerned with making you feel something- I’m just putting it out there for you to read, or not to read. The film also made me angry (beyond the cultural stereotypes in every country the film is set, Julia Roberts’s annoying fake laugh AND the fact that when the women in the film get “fat”, they still look like skeletons…), because I’d much rather be trying to “find” myself- or whatever the hell I’m trying to do- in Italy, India, & Bali. It’d be WAY more awesome to deal with heartbreak on sunny beaches, or in cafés with Italian hotties, stuffing my face with pizza & prosciutto, chanting like Percival in Lord Of The Flies. The film also made me realize that I have an unhealthy relationship with romantic comedies, lately. It physically HURTS my heart. I realize I sound like a crazy person, but I’m afraid I’m never going to find love again. I mean, I’m sure I’ll get laid again, but I mean- LOVE. I’ve been OBSESSED with watching & reading love stories. It’s like I’m punishing myself. I could be reading Freakonomics or an Atlas, or The Bible, but instead I’m beset on classic romances. Kissing scenes, love scenes… I just can’t get enough of them. Whenever I hear of one of my girlfriends say that they’re going to be alone for the rest of their lives, I have to scoff. Please! These are gorgeous, young, successful women. I know they’re going to be fine- getting rammed by their Prince Charming on a nightly basis before they know it. So why can’t I have that same hope for myself? My ex-boyfriend clearly did a real number on my self-esteem. I’ve always had a low one, but since we broke up, I feel completely unattractive, & unlovable. If I can’t change my tune, I might actually end up by myself. Nobody wants to constantly coax their partner off the cross. It gets boring. I really hope I can figure it out & fix my problem before my year is through. I think it’s perfect that Gilbert meets her lover in the last chapter of her journey (they end up getting married in the sequel). I hope that happens with me. I mean, there is MAN-X, but I know we won’t end up together. Nor should we.
You see, if I had met Javier Bardem & his hot son in Bali, I’d encourage them into a spit-roast-style threesome with me. THAT is probably why I’m in the situation that I’m in, right now. A threesome should not be my goal, & in all seriousness, it's not. Love is what I’m looking for. I can imagine most of my male readers are swallowing their own barf, right now. But it’s true. I want to find love. And finding it somewhere exotic or just far would be really, really, nice.


Greg said...

What's the name of that Joan Rivers movie? Tuck, Lift, Spackle?

I'm not sure how you think not being intimate will help your desire to be loved. That's like being a fat kid trying to gain the trust of the cool kids by volunteering to be the target in dodge ball. Okay, well it's nothing like that, but you could do yourself a favour and switch to movies like The A-Team and The Expendibles.

Also, you aren't allowed to go to a Julia Roberts movie and complain about Julia Roberts. If you go to Titanic, you don't complain that the boat sinks do you? Maybe you do...this article was awful chicky. :)

claire elyse said...

i know! it was VERY girlie. i felt badly for my male readers the whole time i was writing it... also- you are right. i can't bitch about JR when it's HER movie. i shouldn't have expected a documentary about elizabeth gilbert's journey.
the JR's documentary? close. it's called "a piece of work".

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