Thursday, September 9, 2010

Peter Pan Vs. Saggy-Old-Man-Bum

One of things I’ve really been enjoying since I started the Manbbatical, is that I’ve had more time to nourish my friendships. (Not only was that one of my intentions, but a natural bi-product of the project…) Even though my roster of friends is pretty full up, I’ve made a few new girlfriends, whom I love already: primarily, QUEEN OF HEARTS & GETAWAY STICKS. I’ve seen them both in the past week (wine and coffee dates), & coincidentally, have had the same conversation with both of them. Dating older men compared to dating younger men. Both of these women have experience in both.
I'm no ageist, but there is definitely something to be said for maturity. One thing that many of my girlfriends struggle with while dating men in their 20’s & early 30’s, is their fear of commitment. While it’s fine for men to take their time, deciding whether or not to tie themselves down, giving up their bachelor lifestyles- we women have an expiry date. If we want children, we can't take our sweet-ass time. Men in their 20s & 30s often have pre-mid-life crises, wondering if they're doing what REALLY makes them happy, getting tired of partying every night, yet still not wanting to let it go. Many of them have that ferocious ambition (in terns of their career) & often feel as though a woman might blur the field of their vision for success. Beyond the struggles of the Peter Pan syndrome, younger men often lack something that older men don’t: chivalry. The general consensus is that older men really know how to treat "their" women. Things like opening doors, offering their coat if she’s chilly & holding it up for her to put on, picking up the check at dinner, letting her order 1st, buying random gifts just because, sending flowers, etc… It should be noted that I AM a feminist (obviously) & therefore stand for equality among us. However, I’d be lying if I said that these little gestures didn’t mean something to me. I’m obviously capable & self-sufficient, & am not looking for a man to pull me out of the fire. Gifts & holding doors don’t replace or represent respect & love. It is lovely, however, to be put 1st, to be admired, and cherished. It should also be stated that much of what I’ve said is a generalization. Some old farts are asshole, & some young studs are generous & valiant. I just feel that (again, GENERALLY speaking) something’s been lost, along the way to men & women being equal. Maybe just among the dudes that I have dated? They haven’t ALL been douchey in that regard. ALADIN (see 7/2/10 post: “There Is Love In My Touch That Is Yours To Use) was definitely a gentleman, despite his cheatin’ heart. Usually I date dudes who need to bum 2 bucks from me to pay for their beer… When did men stop being courteous & honorable? When did they stop working to keep their relationship spicy, loving, or romantic? Some men out there will do it. Work at it. I know a lot of men do- my sister’s husband, for example. And my dad. But both of those men are well over 40. Maybe older men is where I should direct my attention, once I can start dating, again. Saggy-old-man-bum scares the shit out of me, but it might be worth it for a man to romance me off my dry feet, from him laying his cloak over the puddle for me to step on.
PS. Don't worry: I would never REALLY date a dude who wore a cloak. Unless it was The Phantom Of The Opera. I doubt I could resist his spell. Besides, then I could sing like an ANGEL!


smallwood said...

I say it depends on the person. I only ever dated men 10+ years older than me, and they were, with one exception, disasters. (Alcoholics, addicts, even a full-fledged psychopath). So fine, I wasn't exactly good at picking winners. But then I met my husband, who is 10 years younger. He is funny, smart, chivalrous, kind, and more mature If you believe in reincarnation, then the notion of "old souls" in young bodies makes a lot of sense. And immature jerks in old bodies. ; )

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