Thursday, November 18, 2010

I Want Your Sex

Some people get angry regarding my Manbbatical. I’ve been told to get over myself- that some people haven’t been laid in over a decade. I can understand it must be frustrating to read about my withdrawals when it’s only been half a year… but our lives are all different. I love men. I love dating them, kissing them, sleeping with them, flirting with them, dancing with them, cuddling them- I could go on, forever. Even though I’m not really allowed to do those things anymore, it’s still important for me to feel sexy.
(Admittedly, I do feel very sexy when I’m with HIM. In fact, just writing his alias makes me tingle a little, sit up a bit straighter, & I can even feel a little bit of wetness between my legs. I can’t help it. I just cannot WAIT to introduce his penis to my vagina! I’m thinking my spam-purse should throw a little surprise party for him next May. Grow up, Claire. Jesus. Let’s face it. I’m a horny lady. Beyond that, I like to be touched. I just really like to be touched. When HIM touches me, it sends a flow of electric charge throughout my entire body. I’m getting off track…)
I’m not rampant with sexual desire all the time, & I love & value men for all sorts of different reasons. Sometimes- I just want to feel sexy for myself, or no one in particular. Before I met HIM, with the exception of MAN-X & a few other more casual crushes, I got ready to go out just for me. I do enjoy going all out when I get ready: Making sure unwanted hairs are imperceptible, I smell sweet, my hair is clean & frames my face in the most flattering way, my clothes emphasize my best assets, I have cute lingerie underneath as my own personal secret weapon, & I feel confidant. Often, before I go out for a night out on the town, I have a private sexy dance party in my apartment- & only play tunes that make me feel sensual & passionate- almost like an aphrodisiac play-list. So, for you ladies who want or need to feel sexy again, I say: put on your hottest, skimpiest underwear, your tallest, meanest heels, your smokiest eye-make-up, your poutiest-making lip-stick, your best perfume, & turn up your stereo to tunes that make you feel SEXUAL. Even if you don’t get laid, it might make you feel foxy, saucy, flirty. Look at yourself in the mirror as you get ready- I don’t fucking care how fat, thin, old, wrinkly, pregnant, or tired you feel- KNOW that you are a piece of hot ass (with brains, a sense of humor, blah, blah, blah…) & sex it up. KNOW that any dude (including your lover, husband, 1-night stand, vibrator) would be lucky as shit to be inside you. He/she would be fortunate to even feel your hot breath or soft hand.
Take my advice, or leave it. This is what works for me. It makes me feel hot, before I step out for the night. Date, or no date. Manbbatical on purpose or by default.
At the end of the day, we all go to sleep thinking of our own selves.


Anonymous said...

How annoying. I can't find anything insulting to say about this one. I'll vote it "moving" so your skating on thin ice

JENNY said... is the page where you sent txt msg to the wrong person? I think it was here I found the link. Thanks for that. I think it's one of the funniest blog online right now


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