Monday, January 31, 2011

Beauty From Ashes

"It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it."
W. Somerset Maugham

I’m ashamed & embarrassed to admit 1 of my guiltiest pleasures over the past few years: On Monday nights, I like to settle in on my couch, in my jammies, glass of wine in hand, & watch “The Bachelor/Bachelorette”, as I text back & forth with my sister CC & COYBOY CAT, commenting. No matter how cheesy, unsophisticated, & obtuse the contestants are- I can’t help but pick favorites & indulge in the shallow drama. This year the girls seem to be especially weepy- & it reminds me of what I was like in my 20’s. My sister & I began furiously texting each other listing all of the reasons why it would be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOW, if the women on the show were in their 30’s.
Every season, it becomes increasing difficult for me to suspend my belief, & feel sorry for the girls when their hearts break. These days, I feel like yelling at them, “Seriously, ladies? You’re all super hot with smoking bodies, & you’re like, 24. You’re going to be FINE. So some fake-tanned vacant jackass who you met like, TWICE- doesn’t wanna bone you/marry you. Big deal. Right after you pack your bags you’ll have met some dude who’ll sweep you off your feet. And hopefully one that’s not dating 25 other women. A little heartbreak is GOOD, every now & then. It builds CHARACTER. It’s what the best plays, books, poems & films have been written about. It’s where the most beautiful art & music come from. Take it all in. Feel it all & let it CHANGE you. You’ve been GROOMED to meet men & make them fall in love with you. Stop crying, turn off the God damned waterworks for cristsakes! Grow up. Stop putting up with his shit, show some self-respect & LEAVE!”
If it were a bunch of women in their 30’s or 40’s? 1st of all, the show couldn’t exist for several reasons. Not to be all, “take back the night”, but the same reality show wouldn’t have an audience if the women were 10-15 years older. Unfortunate, but I think true. Also, ¾ of the women would march right out the front door when they realized he was dating TWENTY-FIVE OTHER WOMEN. COME ON. That’s a bit much, no? Also, I’d be all, “Hey dude. How bout you spend more time at the library & less time in a tanning bed?”
I never could have done this Manbbatical in my twenties. I wish I had, but I pretty much did the opposite. I’m finally starting to realize that the whole reason I started this, was because I was TIRED of selling myself short in relationships. I’ve been doing that STILL throughout this trying year. With Man-X AND HIM. In my 20’s I KNEW I deserved the best. In my 30’s I’m beginning to realize, I BELIEVE I deserve the best. Maybe I AM only figuring it out now, at the end of 33 years… but I’m starting to BELIEVE it. Now I just need to begin behaving in a way that will prove it.


Smor said...

You're wonderful.!

claire elyse said...

AWWWWW!!!! thanks, baby. xoxox

hlinds said...

I decided to look up your blog after listening to you on Montreal radio. You rock! You are honest, heartfelt, and hilariously funny. :)

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