Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Turn And Face The Strange

"OH! The good ol' Hockey game, is the best game you can name.
And the best game you can name, is the good ol' Hockey game."

Stompin'Tom Connors,The Hockey Song

I still can’t decide if people can change. Sometimes I think they can, because I’ve seen it in myself. Kind of. Not really. See? I know I’m more mature than I used to be (believe it or not), & I think I’m more open-minded & kind-hearted. I think I’m slightly less crazy than I used to be (believe it or not again). I suppose the bottom line is that I simply like myself more than I used to, which IS a change.
The whole point of this Manbbatical was for me to change my life. Obviously I would still be the same woman- I wouldn’t all of a sudden start wearing pearls on top of turtlenecks, or start listening to Theory Of A Creedleback, or anything ridiculous like that… But I wanted to be different. It scares me that the change I’m looking for may happen- but that it might only be a flash in the pan. I quit drinking (for several reasons) for a year & a half when I was 28-30. I didn’t ingest a drop of booze. Did I come out the other end with a good sense of balance & moderation regarding alcohol? Uh… no.
That said, something happened to me last night that really made me feel myself changing right to my very core. I feel like what I’m about to tell you is controversial, & I may lose some readers, let alone friends.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I’m French Canadian. Although most of my life I’ve spent living & growing up in Toronto, I was born in Montreal, & also went to high school there. I am fluently bi-lingual & though I usually feel my Italian roots take me over- there is no denying that I’m a Frenchiser. Since my father was born & raised in Montreal, he is obviously a Montreal Canadiens fan. Even though baseball is more my sport, I never really had a choice but to accept my allegiance to the HABS as a birthright. If I need to explain the depths of the rivalry between the Toronto Maple Leafs & the Habs, this post will mean nothing to you. Let me just say that it’s an epic opposition, & has always been so. Because it’s such a part of my heritage, I almost like people less when I find out that they are Leaf fans. It makes me think they are stupid. Which is ridiculous. It’s as if I’ve been brought up to be racist against Leaf-lovers. Some of my closest friends are Leaf fans: HIM & PEACOCK, for example. Both lovely human beings, but Leaf fans nonetheless.
Last night, I went to the Staples Centre to watch the Kings play the Leafs. Obviously I knew that I would be rooting for the Kings. Anyone but the Leafs. Never the Leafs. But something weird happened. I started to get these weird, strange new feelings. I couldn’t recognize them, & I couldn’t stop them. Despite everything I’ve always known & have always believed in, I wanted the Maple Leafs to win. (If my father reads this post, there is a good chance he’ll never love me again, as much as he used to.) It felt as if I was discovering I might be gay. Like all along I’ve known my life to be one way, & just accepted it, because that’s how I was brought up. Yet these foreign feelings crept through my veins. I felt guilty. I felt ashamed. It felt like treason. Then in realized: I’m changing. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s good! Please understand: I’m NOT saying I’m a Leaf fan. What I AM saying, is that I don’t think Leaf fans are losers, or douche-nozzles, or brainless to have faith in a team that will never win. What I AM saying is that, little by little, I am changing. Many of you (Habs fans) may see this as a negative change.
I’m just excited that I can actually feel & see a transformation happening inside of me. Obviously, it’s about more than my fair-weather appreciation of hockey teams.
Besides, The LA Kings are way hotter than the Leafs & the Habs. When you think about it, that’s all that really matters.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow. I think you may be poised on the brink of (dunh dunh dunh).. maturity.
Leafs blow hind teat btw.
Vive le bleu blanc et rouge.

Love, K-Dough

Anonymous said...

NO! Not really!!

Seriously, figuring out I was gay was FAR easier than I imagine secret rooting for the Leafs would be. ;)

- lisa

Mark Hebert said...

Pearls should be worn against the skin and you should have at least some good fakes by now missy!.

Luc said...

Even thought I am not a big hockey fan per say..just try to be a Senator's fan if you dare..you will be let down a lot...mutch like the Leafs ,,,Nothing wrong with being gay,some of my best friends were gay, back in the day . (Etre bilingue est une très bonne atout. )

Christine said...

As an avid Leafs fan who is in love with a Habs fan, let me tell you that this goes both ways. I sometimes feel the exact same way as you do while watching a Habs game. It's so... strange isn't it?

Also, I am digging the addition of "douche-nozzle" to your lexicon!

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