Friday, February 25, 2011

Ask A Great Question, Get A Stupid Answer.

I like questionnaires. Remember when everyone on facebook was doing them? I like reading other’s answers because I sometimes get insight I’ve missed along the way, & I like filling them out because it forces me to examine myself. Proust’s has always been my favorite.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Dinner & wine with friends. Lying on the beach listening to the waves. A big huge penis for me to play with.
2. What is your greatest fear?
Infinite space and/or being lost in space.
3. Which living person do you most admire?
Joan Rivers for obvious reasons. My sister because she has a great life that she’s worked her ass off to achieve.
4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Jealousy. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, & I’ll say it again.
5.What is the trait you most deplore in others?
6. What is your favorite journey?
The journey from backstage to on stage.
7. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Math. Just kidding. Having a big penis. Seriously. Sometimes a massive thunder-dong is a pain in the ass. Literally.
8. What do you dislike the most about your appearance?
The spare-tire around my waist/my gunt.
9. Which living person do you most despise?
Elizabeth Hasselbeck. That no-talent rich white bitch needs to get her head out of her bony ass & quit spewing complete ignorant bullshit to an entire nation on a daily basis.
10. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Grow up. Dude. Fuck. Yikes.
11. What is your greatest regret?
When I was 17 I let my boyfriend take naked pictures of me. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THOSE PICTURES NOW? Yikes.
12. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
So far, performing. Otherwise, any dude I’m sleeping with.
13. When & where were you happiest?
What is this “happiness” that you speak of?
14. Which talent would you most like to have?
I wish I were a gifted painter/drawer. BAIT & ÇA-RAGE are both amazing at that. I wish I could be that crafty.
15. What is your current state of mind?
Frazzled. Hung-over. Nervous. The usual.
16. If you could change 1 thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish I didn’t need validation from others. I wish I were more confident.
17. If you could change 1 thing about your family, what would it be?
We’d all have an endless supply of cash.
18. What do consider your greatest achievement?
Obvi my boobs. Have you seen these babies?
19. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being a republican. Just kidding. Or AM I?
20. What is your favorite occupation?
Telling jokes. I get to do it every night! Lucky me!
21. What is your most marked characteristic?
I’m SUPER pretty. Obvi. Oh, & my boobies.
22. What do you value most in your friends?
A shared love of booze. Loyalty. Honesty. Their fortune & fame so I can ride on their coat tails.
23. Who are your heroes in real life?
Ms. Met. If you knew her, (& you might from Comedy Central or The Comedy Network) you would know why.
24. What is it that you most dislike?
Liars. Cowards. Bugs. Clogged toilets.
25. If you were to die & come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be?
Satan. Or God. Probably Satan.
26. If you could chose what to come back as, what would it be?
An alien who posed as a human.
27. How would you like to die?
I die on stage pretty frequently. I’d like to die in my sleep. Also, I hate murder. Murder stinks.
28. What is your motto?
“It seemed like a good idea at the time”


Anonymous said...

So with you on the Republican thing.

But Joan Rivers!?!?

Anonymous said... hate liars? You HAVEN'T had sex? Honestly? Really?

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