Thursday, February 3, 2011

Soldier On

"Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself."
Henry Miller

Many of my friends have been struggling lately. It seems we’re all having a tough time. I blame the weather. The blistering cold, the deep snow, the bullshit winds… It’s enough to make me want to barf/cry/stab Mother Nature in the face. But let’s face it. It’s my 34th winter- I’m no amateur- so I should just buck-up & take it like a woman.
Winter is never so bad when I’m in love. I mean, it still sucks, but at least there’s a warm body in my bed, someone to cuddle up with on the couch, someone to make the long, dark days feel more like long, toasty nights. Being heartbroken in the wintertime is the worst. THEE. WORST.
SCULLY & I have been yapping on Skype quite a bit, lately. We’ve seen each other through many ups & downs. In fact, back in our youth (before ‘Nam) we were even in love with the same man. Times were tough. Our friendship was tested in ways we never wanted it to, & hope it never will be, again! 14 years later, she is one of my favorite people on planet earth… the wildest imagination, god-given talent as an actress & writer, & the most non-judgmental, loyal friend one could ever hope for. SCULLY & I have seen each other through some major-doozie heartbreaks, & we’ve acquired different ways on how to cope. Sometimes, when we’re struggling to keep our heads above water, we check in with each other to see if there’s a technique to save ourselves that we forgot, or see if there are any new methods we don’t know about. (It should be noted that SCULLY is now married to a wonderful man. That doesn’t mean heartbreak doesn’t occur. Anyone who’s married will testify to that. It doesn’t always have to be about un-requited love…)
I feel during the crux of winter, I should share with you ways to overcome a bleeding heart. It won’t cure the pain, the sorrow, the guilt or the loneliness, but at least it can alleviate some of the distress for a short time- & that relief is essential to live.

1.Immerse yourself in a good novel. At least while you’re reading, you’ll be transported into someone else’s world, making it almost impossible to focus on yourself- at least until you put the book/eReader down. I never get much done while I’m reading a book I love, but it sure beats crying in my beer.
2. Watch all 7 seasons of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Admittedly, the 1st season might be a little tougher to get through, but it’s the shortest of the seasons, & if you stick with it- you’ll be forever grateful that you did. What’s that, you say? A teenage girl killing vampires doesn’t appeal to you? Let me ask you this, does AWESOMENESS appeal to you? Does the coolest super-hero on planet EARTH appeal to you? Let me explain to you that BUFFY SUMMERS is a character we could all try to emulate. She’s strong, brave, and hilarious, she rarely gets a break, & deals with hard life in the most pro-active way all day, everyday. That show is the best action/romance/comedy/horror content of any other ever made. (WHERE MY NERDS AT!!!) I’m just saying: Buffy has reminded me time & again that life can be fucking BRUTAL, but there are ways to deal with it in a mature, classy, spirited way.
3. If it’s about a dude/girl, lose their number. Cut the chord. There’s no reason for any of us to memorize a phone number anymore- unless it’s important like my sushi or pizza delivery number, or 911. No one wants to do this one. It’s tough, but BELIEVES me; it’s for the best. Hide them on Facebook (you don’t NEED to delete them, but if that’s what you want- just know when you recover, it’s embarrassing to re-ask for their FB friendship…). No more twitter checking on them, creeping their websites, asking about them… The faster you start to move on, the faster you start to move on.
4. Indulge in a little sadness. Listen to sad music, cry, and feel sorry for yourself. Know that your situation fucking blows. But don’t overdo it! No one likes to see one hanging themselves on the cross. Pick yourself by the balls, & get through the days. YOU WILL BE FINE.
5. Get therapy. Exercise. Eat well. Take care of yourself. I know how new agey & clichéée I sound, but we all have issues, so why not talk to a pro? I don’t care who you are- all of these number 5 things are good advice.
6. Nurture your friendships. That’s what your friends are there, for. Spend a little more time with them- weather it is on messenger, on the phone, or in person. Be with people you love & who love you. It just makes life better.
7. Hang out with my cat, Stinky. Oh, wait. You can’t. Too bad for you- she’s AWESOME.

Yesterday, while I was on the Queen st. streetcar, I looked up at a beautiful old building, & there was a sign in a window that read, “You are not alone”. Maybe it was that message combined with the music from my earphones, but it made me well up with tears. Happy tears. We’re NOT alone. Know that you are probably stronger than you give yourself credit for, & you WILL get through it. It’s going to suck hard for a while, but you will be okay again.
As my good friend SOUTHERN BELLE always says, “Take my advice- I’m not using it.”


Sean Ottey said...

First, I am doing all of that except 2 and 7. Because I AM A MAN DAMMIT!

Second, I was once, in a past life, driving on the freeway, crying if I remember correctly, and thinking out loud "Goddammit, universe, cut me just one break. Just one." and I looked up and there was an ad on the side of a bus that said "Save Yourself". Touche, Universe, touche.

Luc said...

You are not alone is the moto for the AA people,,,,I should know!! 7 years without a drop. Do not try this at home kids.

slayergirl78 said...

Buffy cures EVERYTHING. The end.

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