Sunday, February 6, 2011

Welcome To The VD Clinic.

Valentine’s Day is one of those occasions when it’s inevitable to reflect on your romantic life- whether you think it’s a corporate sham, or not. I’ve never cared much for it, one way or the other. I’ve never been all riled up about the commercialism of it all- in fact I think it’s kind of nice to have a day that reminds us to express our love to each other, but the pressure of gifts & romance are unreasonable at best. I would honestly prefer to get flowers from my man as a random gesture of affection on any other given day, but if my lover didn’t get me ANYTHING on February 14th, I’d feel neglected, for sure.
I’ve never really minded being alone (when I have been) on Cupid’s day. When my mother was single, we would go for a champagne breakfast & eat oysters. 1 year, ALADIN bought me a beautiful necklace that I still wear. VIDEO STORE GUY took me out for 1 of the most expensive, romantic dinners I’ve ever been treated to. Many years have gone by where the men I’m with simply let the day slip away as if there were nothing going on. This year, I will be in Newfoundland telling jokes. If I weren’t a comic- but a normal person- I think that would be a really nice date. Dinner & a show. A comedy show! It’s thoughtful & fun, & some of it will most likely be dirty, giving you some ideas of what you can do to each other when you get home. When I began the Manbbatical, I thought mostly about Xmas & the holidays, my birthday, the fall (my favorite & most romantic season), anything where family must all be together, & of course, Valentine’s Day. So my day is planned. I’ll be making money by (trying) to make people laugh, which is exactly what I SHOULD be doing. Since I have quite a rich fantasy life, I’ll tell you what I would LIKE to be doing, if I had an option B. (this isn’t to say I would pick said option B over working. In fact, I’m quite content to be working, this year.)
I would fly to LA. Again, not wearing anything but very sexy lingerie under my coat. I know I’ve used this one before, but I really want to do it, & eventually I will. I don’t want to brag, but I would probably even shave & wash my hair. I would show up to HIM’s loft-apartment, with a chilled (don’t ask me how I kept it cold…) bottle of Veuve Cliquot, & 2 champagne flutes. For some reason, HIM was hoping I was coming, & his place was set for sexy time (which I am usually to immature to appreciate, but not in my fantasies). I don’t care much for rose petals strewn all over but there are candles lit, & soft music playing. He has rented “Moonstruck” & is making me spaghetti. We make love several times throughout the evening, eat, laugh, watch the film, have drinks, & take his dog for a nice long walk… We fall asleep full, warm, naked & exhausted, & his dog cuddles up with us.
That’s what I would find romantic. That’s what I would do if I could, & I wasn’t working.
If you’re stuck on what to do for your loved one, just be thoughtful. If you know what they like & you can be a little creative, it doesn’t cost much money (you don’t HAVE to fly to LA & drink champagne) to make your loved one happy. I would do it, if I could.


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