Monday, March 7, 2011

The Belle Of The Ball

"When there's no-one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well I wait so long
For my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself"
Billy Idol, Dancing With Myself

I realize the key to this whole project is to fall in love with myself. Even just writing that makes me want to barf. It sounds so cliché & new-agey. However, it’s the truth. If I can make that happen in the next TWO MONTHS, then I will feel good about what I’ve learned. I don’t mind myself so much, most of the time. For example, I just had a stellar private morning dance party in my hotel room. I like dancing with myself. I’ve never minded going to dinner alone, to the movies alone, & I certainly never mind having a glass (a.k.a. bottle) of wine by myself. I play “Jeopardy! “ by myself, & do quite well, if I may say so.
There is a difference in being able to be independent & loving yourself. (I’m not talking about masturbation, for you silly pervs out there…) Just because one may not mind spending time alone doesn’t necessarily mean they respect themselves. So that’s my goal for the next SEVENTY days.
When I get home (back from tour out west), I’m going to treat myself to the best date ever, i.e. movie, cocktails, dinner, maybe some live music, & sweet, sweet love-making with myself… I’ll dress to the nines, shave my legs (I’ll quit bragging), wear my most delicious perfume & get my hair & nails done. I’ll buy myself flowers & hold doors open for myself. You heard me: I’m not going to walk straight into a closed door. It is a DATE, after all.
I’ll act like a lady. I’ll put out when I get home, but only because I know myself so well, & have had sex with myself for a very long time. Beyond all of this- I’m going to be really KIND to myself. I’m going to stop treating myself like an abusive boyfriend would. I’m going to compliment myself & mean it. I’m going to stop blaming & crucifying myself for every little mistake. I’m going to be proud of my accomplishments without being an egomaniac. I’m going to work hard so I can give myself the best life possible, but enjoy relaxing & treating myself when I deserve it. I’m only going to say nice things about myself (except when I’m on stage) & mean it. I’m going to be loyal to myself & monogamous with only me. I’m going to be gentle with my feelings & always be honest. I’m not going to distort my thinking into anything negative, unless it’s really funny & it makes people laugh. Then I’ll explain to myself that it was for the sake of the joke, & no one will understand that better than I. I’m going to take care of & love my body. I’m going to be proud of my body. When I look at myself, I’m going to love what I see. I’m going to be the best partner I’ve ever had.
If I can manage to stick to this plan over the next 2+ months, it will revolutionize my outlook, my life.
Wish me luck. This is, after all, what I was supposed to be doing all along. It’s never to late to get back on track.


Antigiant said...

Charlie Sheen's not Winning. You are.

Luc said...

A giant step forward, good for you Claire If you wake up every day with a atitude like that, you are difenitely on the right path.

jamcgimpsey said...

The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

Whitney Houston aka Crack Addict

Anonymous said...

Sincere good luck! This sounds very, very healthy, and I'm rooting for you.

If I were you, I might consider keep expectations in check: tell yourself that this very healthy stance you're taking now won't be easy or without set-backs, and will likely rile the less healthy aspects of your unconscious, which will be wondering what happened to the old management who used to let them get away with murder.

I think if you are aware going in--to the next two months and beyond--of the challenge and difficulty of being healthy, you won't feel like a failure when it gets really challenging and difficult; you'll just feel normal. Which is what you should feel, because it's normal to struggle, even to suffer (Buddhism 101). Being healthy doesn't mean everything goes well or feels great; it just means that instead of responding to life with neurotic patterns, one responds with genuine feeling, which may include sadness and grief. One can't move on, though, from neurosis--it just goes round and round in circles--whereas sadness and grief have an end point; you can get to the other side of them.

That's not to be a downer; I'm excited for you! I just think that embarking on a journey soberly, prepared for difficulty, while looking forward to the beautiful moments, is more likely to help you stay the course when the shocks inevitably hit. Just remember, when that happens: you're not a failure, you're just normal, and are bravely trying to respond to life in a healthy way, which takes work.

Best of luck!

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