Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My High Double-Standards

"Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Lick on these nuts and suck the dick
Get the fuck out after you're done
And I hop in my ride to make a quick run..."
Snoop Dogg, Bitches Ain't Shit

There’s something that’s been bothering me that I think I need to address. I know I’ve spoken about it in previous posts, but as the end of The Manbbatical draws near I want to be clear(er) about what I want/don’t want in a man/partner. Not really for you guys, but for me.
I know my act is really dirty. I know I talk about spluge, spit-roasting, meat-curtains etc… I also know that off-stage I like to joke around with my friends (mostly ribbing between myself, CUPCAKE, BING-BANG & MS.MET on Twitter) where we satiate the appetite for hilarity of our followers. Let’s face it. I’m pretty open in my blog about sex, have dirty discourse & sometimes a mind in the gutter. I’m always up for a good joke, but at the end of the day, I want to be treated LIKE A LADY by my man. It’s not really fair of me (I suppose) to get down on men who make perverted comments to me in hopes of making me laugh, but don’t do it if you’re asking me out on a date. I know I’m a comedian, but sometimes I want to leave my act up on stage where it belongs & be a normal woman while out with a man. That’s not to say who I am on stage isn’t who I am in real life- but it’s MY ACT. I’d like to be treated with the same amount of respect as any other girl. I know sometimes my job, my stature, or whatever else can intimidate men. I know when getting to know someone, you get nervous sometimes. I get that. I’m the same way, & although I may act confident, I never fully am. I’m not saying I need a horse-drawn carriage, but it would be lovely for a man to ask me out without talking about dick, or pussy, or whatever else. Is that too much to ask? I can see why men may think it doesn’t bother me because of things I say on stage- but it does. It actually kind of makes me feel like shit.
When HIM & I were spending time together, he pointed out to me that the only difference between HIM & some old perverted creep was that I wanted to sleep with HIM. He pointed out that anything he said to me sounded like a great idea because I liked HIM. But should any of those come-ons or seducement come from a man I wasn’t attracted to? Well, then THAT guy was a douche. It’s not really fair. But that’s the way it goes.
So thinking about all of this, & how much I want to treated with respect & kindness, I get home/back to my FABULOUS hotel room, to a saucy message from an American comic who I don’t know personally, but am a huge fan of. It was the kind of message that wasn’t charmingly sexy or flirtatious, but flat-out “offensive”. The thing is, it was really funny. & I love that guy. So I really loved his message & couldn’t believe he would even give me the time of day & wondered how he’d heard of me. So- how can I ask men to treat me like a lady when I don’t mean all of them? It’s not fair to say, “You’re not quite funny enough to make pussy jokes around me.” How can I be put-off & flattered by similar statements just because it’s coming out of a different mouth? I just feel like if you don’t know me, try to be polite. I would be with you. But I can’t bend the rules because I admire someone’s work. That’s ridiculous, & overall short-changing myself.
Meanwhile, that guy’s a comic.
Sometimes I really feel I’ve learned nothing.


pg said...

"But I can't bend the rules because I admire someone's work."

Sure, you can. In fact, you do. We all do. Your reactions are not made in a vacuum or in isolation. Your reaction is based on context--a very human thing, really. We let our friends get away with murder, while we rarely let strangers get away with a slight.

Your reactions are true. You allow your friends to be naughty with you because you believe, deep down, they respect you. You allow this comic who you don't know very well to make you laugh by being offensive because you respect him. You DON'T allow people you don't respect to disrespect you.

I don't see an unreasonable double standard there, Claire. And you aren't bending the rules just because you admire someone's work...the fact is, your rules aren't about what you think they are.

claire elyse said...

wow! thanks for putting into that kind of perspective, PG. i never really thought about it like that... you made me feel better!

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