Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Overlook Hotel

"Floaters in my eyes
Wake up in the hotel room
Cigarettes and lies
I am a child, it's too soon"
Regina Spektor, Hotel Song

So often (on the road) I stay in disgusting, murder-ridden hotel rooms. More than once I have sent picture texts to BAIT showing her mysterious blood spatters on my walls, or a bucket of half eaten chicken wings left hidden in my shower. We get a kick out of it & giggle, & as I go to bed I pray for my life. I always send BAIT another text upon checking out to let her know that a molester, thief, or bedbugs have not attacked me. Sometimes, I get to stay in really nice hotels. Like last weekend, & this week. The lavish surroundings soften the blow of homesickness. I take baths, spread myself across the entire bed (at home I still only sleep to one side- out of habit) wear the plush hotel robe, & sometimes treat myself to an $8 bag of chips from the mini-bar because apparently I have money & no fat to burn. I love feeling like a princess & usually I don’t mind not sharing it- but lately it feels like I’m wasting these great rooms. I feel like they’re made for romance- not me in my sweat pants before/after work watching Golden Girls, or various murder shows- real and/or fake, shoving pancakes &/or wine in my face still tucked into my crisp white sheets.
I’ve always loved being in (nice) hotel rooms with boyfriends. I don’t know why it makes me feel like we can do things we wouldn’t do at home. In fact I find if there ever were a lull in my sex-life while with a (long-term) partner, spending a night or two in a hotel would add some needed fuel to the dwindling fire in the bedroom.
Today I was out & about in Winnipeg & upon returning to my room I felt terribly lonely. Maybe it’s because I’ve met so many awesome, hot, hilarious men on this trip & they’re all gay or married. All I wanted to do was be with someone in my room this afternoon. Not even just for sex, but to hang out with & share this fantastic experience with (I’m in Winnipeg for the comedy festival & did my 1st ever gala TV taping. So exciting!). I just wish I could reap these fruitful benefits of my comedy labor with a loved one. I mean, I’ve been skyping daily with BAIT, my sister (& my little niece!), my mom, dad & stepmom but I mean with MY PARTNER. Although I’m having so much fun & learning SO much, I’m starting to feel old, alone & afraid. What if I never meet someone? All the good ones seem taken.
It’s a really exciting time for me right now, & the irony is that none of this would have come about sans the Manbbatical- but I would really prefer to be living through this with someone who loves me more than a daughter/sister/friend.
On a different note, my friend ARNOLD told me when he looks at my roster of ex-boyfriends, that according to him I’m out of their league. It’s something I’ve heard before. He & I couldn’t figure out why I choose men that either treat me like crap or simply aren’t good enough for me. I hope this pattern changes before the year is up. He was very complimentary without being creepy. He’s a gentleman, very loyal to his beautiful wife & becoming a good friend. He thinks there’s still hope for me.
I really hope that he’s right.


Bully said...

Nothing beats Motel sex! Nothing.

Lady said...

You are not old or alone. You are beautiful and talented. You are surrounded by people who love you. And when you are able to really see that, the special, funny, smart, sexy, amazing guy you've been waiting for will come along.

Post a Comment