Friday, May 6, 2011

3 Female Comics Discuss The He-Tox

The following post was written by three girlfriends of mine who are all comics out of Canada. Two of them have moved away to further their careers in different countries (US & UK). I asked them to write about whatever they wanted, provided it had SOMETHING to do with the Manbbatical. I've had guest-posters before, but since these women do what I do for work, I thought it might be nice to shed some light... Enjoy!

This 1st post was written by the lovely & fucking hilarious Kristeen VonHagen. She was named in the Top 30 Power Women in ELLE magazine. Currently making her home in NYC, she's warming up the crowd for The Nate Berkus Show (NBC). KVH has appeared on CBC's The Debaters, Just For Laughs, Video On Trail, The Cream Of Comedy, & has had comedy specials on Comedy Central & The Comedy Network. Follow her blog:

When I first heard Claire was doing a one-year Manbbatical my first thought was…thank God it’s not a leap year. I thought the Manbbatical was a good idea. Claire, who is indeed boy crazy, was running around making rash decisions, sleeping with/pining over losers and creeps. I thought this was positive move. I also thought it would last a month. And here we are less than two weeks to go with the Manbbatical intact. Mostly. The rules did change, but that is life. My fiancĂ©e always bugs Claire and says ‘you know the Manbbatical is over, right?’
As a non-single I often forget the terror of being single, when you don’t want to be single. Not just how hard it is not to have a partner but how hard it is not to focus on it. Just like my diet, the more you focus obsessively on something the more it eludes you. Claire still was Claire. Still falling in love with weirdos. Still obsessing over relationships. But this time she had to go through all these emotions without the ability to get handsy and make a fast move. I feel this Manbbatical had more to do with restraint and being held accountable then any real change in how Claire operates. I hope Claire makes better man choices in the future, but it is hard to say. I also personally hope she will have trouble getting laid after this whole year of trying to fight it. I know she won’t – but it would be amusing.
I will also say this; my least favorite Manbbatical post was when Claire quoted lyrics from the Fergie song ‘Clumsy’. No one should ever quote Fergie lyrics to make a point. Ever.

The following was written by the hilarious & talented Kathleen McGee. McGee is tearing it up across Canada & the US, opening for the likes of Russel Peters & appearing at Comedy Festivals, headlining clubs & destroying wherever she plays. Listen to her radio show on XM's Laugh Attack, ANYTHING GOES.

When I heard about Claire's idea to give up on men and romance for a year I thought she was crazy...and full of shit. Claire and I are both fans of men, boys, and dudes whatever you want to call them. We both are open about our sexuality and our love for a good roll in the hay. I didn't think there was anyway possible that Claire could push herself away from the table and say that she was full...ha ha, full.

For whatever reason she decided to do this, publicity or to truly see what a year without men would be like, she did do it. I know there were a lot of people, including myself at times, that thought this was an ego project; a way to get Claire Brosseau out into the world… to get people talking about her and notice her. It worked! Claire put a lot of work into her career this year, I know this because she told me constantly :) She got a major comedy festival this year and was all over newspapers, blogs and television. Good for her for putting herself out there and committing to the entire year. Canadian comedians (for some reason) seem to be terrible at self-promotion. I've worked with American comedians and they all have websites, merch and followings. I know that comics will sometimes put down other comics that do something to push themselves ahead, it's because we're insecure and lazy. I know some comics will disagree with that statement so I guess I'll say that I am definitely one of those comics. In the past 2 weeks three people in the industry (not comedians) that I respect and love have told me that I need to start working harder. That I need to start putting myself out there more and networking with people that can help me. (LIKE MY KATHLEEN McGEE FACEBOOK PAGE!) Being a comedian it's hard to push yourself. Most comics have a lot of self-loathing. (FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @Kathleen_McGee) . Not every comic, but a lot of the ones I know.
When people tell me that they saw a(my) show I always apologize...I don't know why. I've got to get over that. I'm funny, & I wouldn't be where I am if I wasn't. So is Claire, but I'm starting to realize that this business isn't always about how funny you's how much you push.
I hope that Claire has learned things about herself with this blog, but I know that she learned more about the business. That's more valuable than figuring out matters of the heart. Maybe...or maybe I'm just a cold bitch ;)

This guest-blogger wishes to remain anonymous. She is also a (Canadian) female stand-up comic who travels all around the world entertaining people by making them laugh. She has appeared at the Halifax Comedy Festival, The Winnipeg Comedy Festival, & has had her own comedy special on CTV/The Comedy Network. She is excellent at what she does.

When I heard that Claire Brosseau was doing a one-year Manbbatical my first thought was, "LIAR"! And my second thought was, "Why?" I lost virginity at the late age of 20 and really only did it because I wanted to get it over with. Unfortunately, I did not hit the jackpot. It was the smallest dick I had ever seen and I had never seen one up to that point. The last time I saw a dick that small was on a child. The good news was that it wasn't painful-but at that point I had a vibrator the size of a small bat.
So after that, I guess you could say I went on an involuntary Manbbatical for nearly two years- and practically raped the next man I slept with.
Me: Do you wanna make out?
Guy: Sure.
Me: Ok finish your pizza, go upstairs brush your teeth. I will be ready when you get down.
I am a romantic, as you can see. I guess I kind of felt like I needed more of a challenge. So since then my sexual encounters have been few until recently, which is when I decided to use the last 2 years in my twenties to fuck the place down. And it has been FUN! Which brings me to my original question: "Why?" In my case dick was not a plenty. I needed to save that shit up for the winter. But don’t take my word for it.


Joe said...

Hey Claire, your wonderful guests added some new insight to your hormone-building future massive orgasmquest. I know it's more than that; it's a mind and heart clearing spiritual re-virginization of your heart. You're funny, have great funny friends, and man, the fun is just beginning. The poor lucky guy who's first better buckle up!

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