Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Asexual Healing.

I am 1 year, 1 month & 3 days past the end date of the Manbbatical. Still nothing. Well, sort of. I shared a taxi home with a guy this weekend (we had been out with friends- I’d just met him) & he tried to kiss me. I reminded him that he was going home to his girlfriend. I tried to be polite, all of the while pointing out how inappropriate he was being. Maybe I’m being a prude. I suppose a kiss is no big deal, I just don’t see the point of getting into that situation with a man who lives with his significant other. I’m not judging those who cheat or get with partnered people (I realize things happen & that life is complicated) but why the hell would I want my 1st kiss (seriously!) to be with a cheater? No, thank you.
I’ve taken a bit of time to step back from the project & breathe. I’m trying to figure out my hesitation regarding dating & romance, at the same time as enjoying the shit out of my life without a man. I still haven’t worked out why I want to keep the Manbbatical going- but who cares? I’m not hurting anyone & I have to assume I’ll know when I’m ready. I don’t want to turn it into some big auspicious event- people kiss & have sex every day & night. Something inside me just doesn’t want to unlock the chastity belt.
What if I turn into some asexual weirdo? What if I’ve forever fucked up my game, & turned myself into a born-again virgin? I don’t mean to sound too dramatic, but I seem to have misplaced my boy-craziness & I can’t find it anywhere.
What the hell has the Manbbatical DONE to me?!?


BarbaraW said...

Holding out for that Teenage Feeling.

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