Sunday, April 21, 2013

Come On Baby Light My Fire Under My Ass

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-Mel Brooks

It’s been a tough week for me. I’ve been quite desperately depressed which might not be so unusual if I could deduce the catalyst. Usually if I’m coming down or hung-over, suffering from PMS/PMDD, heartbroken over a relationship, lost a job or fucked up in some way- it explains the downward spiral. This time I feel like I’ve been working hard to keep all of the elements that keep me healthy  in their right places: eating well, sleeping properly, exercising, taking my medication on time, hydrating myself, meditating, going to addiction meetings, staying clean/sober, surrounding myself with people I love & keeping clear of triggers, reading, knitting and staying busy/social. When I’m down, I feel like a bag of shit. When I feel like I’m doing all that I possibly can to stay well & then crash, it feels as though a shit-bomb has been aimed right at me & then I’m drowning in shit. When I can pinpoint what has incited the depression, at least I can try & apply some kind of logic to it. When it comes at me seemingly from nowhere… it makes me so very sad. It’s a heaviness that feels unbearable. It feels like I’ll never get better; it’ll never leave me alone no matter what I do to stay balanced. I stayed in bed in the dark most of the week & ate (a lot of candy & chips) under the covers. This propels my brain disorder & feeds into itself but when I’m sick I just can’t stop being sick.
Friday night I decided despite my mood that I would drag my ass out of bed & hang out with my friend @TimMcAuliffeIII. Last night I did the same thing (even though all I really wanted to do was stay home & die) & saw my friend @peterisfunny. I love both of these men for so many different reasons. I had such a great time with each of them & they both reminded me why life can be amazing. It’s because people like them are in it. And I’m so grateful.


2willowsart said...

The change of seasons can be triggers as well. ( From personal experience )

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