Thursday, July 3, 2014


“Sweet Nancy we gotta stop dancing
Don't tell me you don't know it's true
I found a love with someone new
Sweet Nancy we gotta stop dancing
Though I could never be your man
There's someone out there who can”
-Peter Elkas, “Sweet Nancy”

It’s pretty rare for me to be embarrassed let alone fully humiliated. I’m basically the town crier when it comes to my life via this blog & various other outlets (interviews, stand-up, etc…). When something happens to me, you all know it. This isn’t to say that if I farted in public or had a tampon string hanging out of my bikini that I wouldn’t blush, but mostly I (think) I roll with the punches life throws at me.
Not so today. Today I’m absolutely mortified. Call me stupid or naïve, but I had no idea that Rdio posts what I listen to on Facebook.
So let me just get it over with & own up to what I did listen to, & some of you may have seen it already. Maybe I’m making this apocalyptic but this is something- ONE THING- I would’ve preferred to keep as a dirty little secret.
I listened to my ex-boyfriend’s records today for HOURS as I worked. I don’t know why. Most of the songs I listened to are about me/us/our relationship. I’m not in love with him anymore, though I’ll always hold a very special place for him in my heart (urgh. sappy barf. but still true). We dated & lived together for years & I’ve always been a huge fan of his talent for music. For the past 10 years, I’ve kept a lid on it. I hear his music on the radio or in restaurants & even at an ex-boyfriend’s house (who had no idea of my affiliation with him).
I did it. Ok? I listened to him cantillate about his love for me, the life we shared, the difficulties we chalked up. I don’t know why I did it. I was feeling nostalgic. I’m tender with PMS. I really love his records (even the later ones that AREN’T about me…). I love his guitar solos. I love his voice. I’m not going to fucking deny it. And I can’t. Because 4000 of my closest friends all saw it posted to Facebook today.
So there you have it world. You may not think it’s a big deal, but I would’ve wished for privacy on this one. There aren’t many cards I hold close to my chest. I couldn’t make a straight if I tried & I’ve let everyone at the table see my hand with all my chips in the middle.
And though I TRIED to hold this hand close to my heart, I also felt I had to get this fucking public humiliation off of it. 
ps. I am cancelling my Rdio account. 


MikeAdamson said...

Oops! I have Rdio and my plays don't go to Facebook so you could probably change that if you wanted.

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