Monday, July 7, 2014


“…And when I get that feeling
I want Sexual Healing
Sexual Healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
Sexual Healing baby, is good for me
Sexual Healing is something that's good for me…”

-Marvin Gaye, Sexual Healing

I’ve probably used this quote somewhere in my previous blog posts, but I’m using it again because it’s taking on a new meaning.
I’m experiencing a sexual revolution of sorts. I’ve been sexually active for over 23 years, and within that time I’ve had amazing lovers, horrific ones, and disparate intimacy. It occurred to me recently however, that most of my sexual life has been relatively “vanilla”. I’ve never had a threesome (that I can remember. Keep in mind I’ve experienced many blackouts). I’ve never engaged in any kind of BDSM. I’ve rarely even masturbated in front of a partner & have spent a lot of time performing in bed- trying to look sexy, making sure I was pleasing my partner- rather than fully engaging & trying to enjoy myself as well. I don’t even know what my own kinks are- because I’ve never taken the time to figure that out.
It’s time for me to really set about exploring my sexuality. What makes it interesting is that I’ve got to deal with sublimation (or lack thereof) on a sober level. Now is the perfect time. I feel comfortable enough in my skin & am aware of what I’m commissioning. Do I get off by walking the tightrope that ascends over the parity and bestowment of power and trust? Does actual pain bring me pleasure? It might… I’ve certainly indulged in emotional pain for most of my life. Maybe that’s where I feel comfortable & ironically safe? Am I turned on by spectator sex? Multiple partners at once?
I feel extremely fortunate that I’ve come to a place in my life where I’m able to explore & contemplate my sexual frontiers. I’ve found places and lovers who are willing to let (and encourage) me to let go of past sexual parameters and play in a wider spectrum of physical pleasure. It helps rid me of self-restraint, judgment, and average sex. For that I am grateful.
And hornier than ever.


@ThatRachelH said...

I like this. Especially the 'I feel comfortable enough in my skin' part. Enjoy.

And please understand if I think mildly unkind thoughts of you later today when I can't get the damned 'sexual healing' earworm out of my head. They'll be fleeting.

Quasi-Literate said...

I'm with Rachel ^

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